Reflections

We’re sitting here, our children around us, our baby being so funny.  There have been times in my life when I’ve been inspired by something or other and whatever idea that came to me really stuck in my head.  It’s been a while since I’ve had that kind of inspiration, but I think that’s natural.  I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than sit in the living room with the family and just hang out.  My wife and I had tough times growing up for different reasons, and we are dedicated to keeping our children’s lives filled with love and positivity.  It’s the most important thing to us.

I’d be devastated if something happened that caused a rift.  Relationships aren’t easy.  My wife and I have been together since high school.  That’s a long time to learn and grow.  It’s not always easy to grow over that time without hurting each other.  We’ve hurt each other for sure.  But in the end, we’re best friends, as close as ever, more in love than ever.  There have been hard times, but none of it matters now.  There are a handful of things that do matter.  Our wedding, the births of our children, moments we’ve shared with family.  We’ve left hard times behind us.  It’s all for the better.  Because all of the bad stuff taught us lessons.  Bad stuff is hard, but it causes growth if you embrace the lessons.  When you grow from hard times, you can leave the crappy stuff behind because it means nothing.

I’m sitting here watching my one year old make funny faces and smush her face into the couch cushion because she must think it’s hilarious.  I think of what I missed out because I was preoccupied or we were fighting or I was focused on stuff that never actually meant anything.  Mentally, emotionally, I missed too much.  It’s only been three years since we’ve been parents, but that’s still too much.  I can’t miss anything else, and I won’t. This family is all that’s ever mattered and now we’re both in a mindset to honor that fact.  I can’t believe I didn’t get my mind straight sooner.  It’s a hard thing to do, to completely change yourself.  But when there are things like two little princesses and an incredible wife hanging in the balance, it doesn’t make changing easier, but it gives plain, clear, strong motivation.

I’m glad we are where we are now.  Our life is in the present and the future.  The past is empty.

I like to think I could write stories about this stuff.  Dramas.  Romances.  But I can’t.  Or I don’t.  My mind doesn’t weave stories about real stuff.  It’s impossible for me.  Maybe because it’s too personal.  Characters and stories are influenced by my life, but I could never actually put my life stories into writing.  My life isn’t for other people to read about.  I’ve been enjoying rereading some of my short fiction.  I went down a list of publications to submit to, so rewriting my old work lends itself to this initiative.  Writing has always been an escape for me.  I did it a lot when I needed to escape from bad times.  I don’t need it too much these days.  I’m so happy that I don’t want to escape from anything.  Someday when that perfect story appears in my head, I’ll write something.  But for now, I’m really loving reading and fixing my old stuff.

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